Okay, I like coffee a lot. I think most people do, right? But am I the only one who has actually taken criticism for it? I'm not saying I get a lot, or that it's like the kind that people who do other drugs will get, but I am frankly kind of shocked that I get it... It's kind of ridiculous. Here are a few examples of the crap I've put up with, and why it can only be defined as complete idiocy.
I was at a family reunion of sorts, to celebrate my grandma's birthday. Everyone is having coffee with their dessert and I ask for a cup. My aunt threw a friggin tizzy over the very notion, and said something to the effect of: "Your parents let you drink coffee!?!? This is madness, mine would never have let me do such a thing! What an awful habit for a young man to have, surely the caffeine will eat at your eternal soul like spiritual acid! Repent now, heretic!"
Now tell me, what is so wrong with drinking coffee? And only a few times a week I might add. It's not like the stuff actually stunts your growth, but from the way she described them, I suppose that her parents never revealed this to her. I'll bet they also didn't tell her that Santa wasn't real until her first year of college. Any way, what really bothers me is her nerve to criticize my parents on their ability to raise me. Coffee has so far proven almost entirely harmless to me, in the amounts I've been drinking it. I'd probably be able to drink it now and then even if they didn't want me to, as well. It's not like they let me do anything insane, or like it's even their fault if any harm becomes of it. I introduced myself to coffee, I took the initiative to get into it, and they only consented because they accurately acknowledged that it was harmless. So what?
This next story is even better. So I was at my health class, which I had first period at the time. I brought a thermos of coffee to class, but I wasn't allowed to drink it in class. We were given a break, about halfway through, so I stood in the hallway, leaned my tired ass on a wall, and started drinking the coffee I hadn't finished before class started that day. So I was there, enjoying my precious few ounces of delicious French roast, when this kid from my class, Henry, (I'll call him that) walked up to me. Now what's important here is the tome of what he said, the first thing was said in much the same way that my aunt spoke. "Hey, what are you drinking? Is that coffee???" As realization started to dawn over him, so did annoyance and disapproval. So I said, trying to sound passive and reasonable: "Well yeah, why?" What he did next puts him at about a 6 on the asshole scale, because he was clearly trying to be a prick, but didn't have the method down just right. Nonetheless, I was annoyed when he said "[heavy over-pronounced sigh] That's just sad."
Now what bothers me about this isn't his obvious ignorance, but rather his condescending tone. He acted like my goddam disappointed parent, not like someone with conflicting interests. It was clear that he was either trying to look like, or actually thought he was looking down on me. Now let me inform you that this guy does not only have the good sense of an eggplant, but he also is a total douchebag, and one of those spoiled rich kids who likes to act like he's a gangster. So needless to say, I was pretty annoyed that he, of all people, was looking down on me for the fact that I enjoy coffee. He's the type of person who you would expect to either already be doing drugs, or to be doing them very soon. So before I could even tell him how much of an idiot he was for a: trying to tell me my business, and b: criticizing something he clearly knew very little about; I was beaten to it. This junior in my class, one of those kind of short but really buff, walked up to him and said something like "You got a problem with coffee? Shut up man, coffee is the shit, you've got nothing on coffee." he turned to me and said "Shove it up his ass, man." I felt like Optimus Prime had just swooped down from the sky and beat the crap out of Voldemort for me, it was definitely a triumphant moment. Sure I'd have liked to handle it myself also, but I admit, I loved the feeling of being backed up by a fellow coffee-lover.
Before I move onto the last story, here's my take on the actual effect of coffee: Caffeine, the drug in coffee, blocks adenosine receptors in the brain, preventing drowsiness. This causes the brain to make adrenaline, giving you energy. Dopamine is also released due to coffee, which makes you happy. This can cause health complications, if one drinks excessive amounts of coffee, but tell me: Does this reaction really seem that bad? Caffeine essentially just gives you an adrenaline rush and a slight dopamine increase, things which occur naturally anyway. The difference is that you control when this is caused. And though too much caffeine can cause noticeable problems with the adenosine receptors I mentioned, I am currently not concerned by this, because I'm not a huge coffee drinker. And even if the energy you get is unnatural, isn't it better than being tired? A mistake people commonly make is to think I'm in withdrawal, because I'm tired when I don't drink coffee. But I don't get a lot of sleep in general. I'm writing this as it is a few minutes from turning midnight. So if I'm tired, it's because of sleep loss. Caffeine only prevented my sleep loss from being apparent. It's like if an ugly person wears makeup to look average, and then stops wearing it... They're going to look ugly, but not because they became dependent on the makeup! It's just because there is no longer any makeup to mask a pre-existing condition! So do you critics see why I can't find a good reason to quit drinking coffee, and why I think it harmless?
Now this last story is the only exception to my rule against caring what others think. My girlfriend of one month, and best friend of nearing a year... Well, she doesn't like that I drink coffee. She's sweet, though, and one of the things I like about her is that she wouldn't try to change me. I couldn't help but notice, though, that my coffee drinking did bother her. She didn't ask me to stop, or give me an ultimatum, or anything like that. I just decided to because it would make her happy. As of now it's been two weeks, and I'm going for six before I pick it up again. When and if I do, I plan to do so in a way that will bother her as little as possible... Because that's what being in a relationship is about, right? Or at least one of the things... I want to make her happy, and that's the most important thing in the world to me. Now that is a reason to not drink coffee.
So, just to sum up this fist entry of mine, here's what we've covered. Coffee is good, and I love to drink it. People who try to tell me not to are self-assured pricks who think they're way more important than they are. As far as a good reason to stop drinking coffee, I see none. There are no serious consequences, as of yet, to the level of coffee-drinking that I do, and therefore I won't stop just because someone says some vague, general statement about how the stuff's supposed to be bad for you. However, I would stop drinking it to make someone I care about happy, especially someone who doesn't try to force me to.
Well, has been my first official post, and your first taste of my estranged head. I'll see you guys whenever I get around to making another one. Until then, take it easy!
-The Ellipsis
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